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I knew something was up when the chapter dedicated to explaining anxious attachment was twice as long as the chapter dedicated to avoidant attachment. The glorification of anxious types only increased from there. The whole book is really filtered through an anxious lens. The little bit I learned about the importance of having a secure base and deactivation techniques and protest behavior was overshadowed by the negative way they portrayed people like me.
Another reviewer mentioned subconscious bias and I have to agree. The authors are very sympathetic towards anxious types who are portrayed as victims throughout the whole book while avoidant types are portrayed as cold, selfish, and abusive. Secure types are put on a pedestal and declared naturally good at relationships. All readers are encouraged to stay FAR away from avoidant types which, as you can imagine, made me feel great as someone with an avoidant attachment style who only bought this book to learn more about avoidant attachment styles.
There are actually two avoidant types: dismissive and fearful. If their intent was to introduce all the attachment styles to a mainstream audience and explain how it can foster or inhibit loving relationships, they failed miserably. When a secure person appears, they are good too and the anxious person is just misunderstood or behaving poorly - never a bad person.
I happen to be an avoidant type dating an avoidant type, but the book swiftly dismissed and denied the existence of two avoidant people in a relationship. In all the stories the anxious one is usually a woman and the avoidant one is usually a man, even though they say attachment styles know no gender eye roll. There was one gay couple I can remember, the rest are all hetero. No mention of race or class.
Again, a clear bias from the authors and not nearly enough research to back-up all the claims they make. My conclusion is that "Attached" is one big contradictory mess. They make no effort to understand why avoidant types are the way they are. THEN both types are told that a secure type will make them better and that they should actively search for that person who will help transform them into a secure type. Fail, fail, fail, fail.
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MANERAS DE AMAR
Maneras de amar