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Created with Sketch. I had the pleasure of interviewing the beloved therapist and author when her book first released. I was interested in knowing more about her concept of soul mates.
As it turned out, her powerful insights about how the soul guides us to true love inspired me deeply and influenced my approach to ministering to couples. She was one of the first people who clearly pointed out: the soul does not see a difference in religion, culture, skin color, or physical appearance. And, when people of different worlds find one another and find love together, it is the work of the soul.
Kingma has spent decades counseling and consulting with couples, and individuals, and writing books on how to make sense of our relationship experiences. I wanted to share excepts our our original interview because her words are still helpful to couples as they navigate their way through challenging times.
Why are we so romantically challenged? But the purpose of relationship is to really grow our souls. Sometimes people find themselves disappointed even after finally finding love. Looking at the whole phenomenon of our relationship lives in a spiritual context really is the only way that the suffering experiences of relationships make sense.
So, to not have them be absolute in our lives -- absolute fulfillment, absolute security, absolute comfort, absolute witnessing of who we are, absolutely indestructible and forever -- is every challenging. It used to be that a relationship is shelter from the storm, a sanctuary, but even very spiritual, soulful couples are challenged daily by the real world.
The human experience is an interesting tension between the material and mundane world, and, on the next level, the emotional. We are uniquely called to continue to move back and forth in this reality where we get to experience it in terms of great awakenings, soul connection and divine love, along with Saturday night dates, co-parenting the kids, socks on the floor, red roses, car accidents, hospitalizations. Soulful, passionate romantic love is here to stay, right?
Absolutely and I call that "Illumined relationships. American consciousness is stuck at the romance step. We mistakenly think that it should be a year romance as opposed to a year journey of spiritual evolution or of psychological evolution -- and hopefully both.
The romantic myth is held in a container with very specific attributes: It must be daily, domestic, exclusive and forever. And we really believe that these are the four tent pins that will hold up the romantic myth.
Romance imagines the per cent connection. That is what the high energy of romance is. A devotional. A devotional, yes. What does it take to make a relationship strong and long lasting? A conscious awareness that these relationships are a spiritual as well as a psychological undertaking. And that the tests and crises within them are always an opportunity for spiritual expansion. Which means, put in simple terms, a greater capacity for love, and a more inclusive love. We need to see what it is to treat your partner as a king or queen, to lovingly hold the person you love, to live your sexuality as an experience of opening consciousness as well as physical passion, to live in an environment that is peaceful.
And that takes consciousness of saying: We are undertaking this. And we choose to go through those rites of emotional and spiritual passage in a relationship that will bring us to a larger place. Do you believe all relationships are gifts? I believe a relationship is a very profound spiritual gift. Think of it this way: You cannot insist a relationship into your life. In recent years we have seen an extraordinary trend of people finding love where they least expect it.
When we drop our expectation of love having to "look a certain way," it really opens up the door to great relationships. At the soul level we are open This is about surrendering. We are brought the experience of love that our soul needs. Are these relationships easier or more comfortable? The soul is trying to bring -- and bring and bring -- home the lessons. How does the soul speaks to us and move us in relationships?
The soul uses the personality -- aspects of the personality, such as passion, need, childhood wounds and hormones -- to take us to a lesson. Why am I getting married when I swore I never would? We may have that ineffable feeling that says my soul is telling me to be here, but a relationship is always an interplay of the personality and the soul. Whenever we feel love, wherever we are changed by love, the soul is at work. But in a given time frame, it may not look right.
You can say, "Well this is the last guy on earth I thought I would of fallen in love with, but I am feeling love here. So should we follow our hearts to love, or should we follow our souls? We can trust love. Love is always a journey and people want it to be a destination.
But the real experience of love is a continually unfolding journey. Suggest a correction.
Kingma, Daphne Rose 1942-
Created with Sketch. I had the pleasure of interviewing the beloved therapist and author when her book first released. I was interested in knowing more about her concept of soul mates. As it turned out, her powerful insights about how the soul guides us to true love inspired me deeply and influenced my approach to ministering to couples. She was one of the first people who clearly pointed out: the soul does not see a difference in religion, culture, skin color, or physical appearance.
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My Favorite book of all time! I liked it so much I put my money where my mouth is, and bought a dozen copies of it and gave it away to my friends! Feb 01, gabrielle rated it liked it For me, this book was about signal-to-noise. The first few chapters turned me off a little bit, with their talk of God and abstract, more-religious-than-spiritual ramblings. However, once I made it past those, I found this book a very thought-provoking and spiritually rich read. I read this after a relationship ended. Rather, love will come in different forms.
The Future of Love
Den Boer June 6, divorced September, ; children: Megali. Hobbies and other interests: Dancing, art. Box Santa Barbara, CA Frequent guest on Oprah and other television interview shows as an expert on relationships. With M.